Foot looking flat .... fall shoes could be exciting!
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Wore A Shoe - July 30-31, 2007
Are you ready for some MARVELOUS news? Miracles still happen …. there have been several rays of sunshine and huge hope in the past two days. Clearly in the midst of our darkest hour God speaks, if we trust completely.
This spoke to me on Sunday …. “Trust Him in the dark, honor Him with unwavering confidence, even in the midst of trials and storms. He will show you only into a way where, if you go cheerfully and trustfully forward, He will show you on still farther.”
After much prayer time late Sunday night, my four small toes actively moved (without moving them manually or doing anything with my hands). It was not a flicker of movement, but actual up and down toe movement. No movement has happened in any of the toes for over two years. The big toe (that is fused and never supposed to move) actually moved some, too. I also managed to get the foot into a size 10 tennis shoe that I had buried in the closet. I was scared that neither would last, so I did not call or tell anyone.
On Monday morning, the movement was still there & I could still get the foot in the shoe. The foot seemed to have changed position and laid flatter to the ground also. I wore the tennis shoe to work on that foot all day on Monday. I kept checking the toes for movement, nearly every hour, and I could still get the toes to wiggle. The toes are still stiff, but there is life in the toes.
At 4:00, I met with my St. Louis orthopedic doctor and my intention was to get his opinion on choosing a prosthetic foot. Last Saturday he agreed to see me & allowed me to be the last patient, because we both knew it was going to be a tough and emotional discussion.
I walked into his office at 4:00 in my shoe and some discomfort, but nothing severe. He fully agreed that the foot looked significantly different on Monday, than when I saw him last Tuesday (or even last Friday). He took pictures w/his digital camera and agreed that there could be hope for saving the foot. I went ahead and asked all my prosthetic questions, but deep down thinking that there is massive renewed hope that the foot still could “come around.” This doctor encouraged me to sit tight for two weeks and see if the improvements will remain or get even better.
I went to the New Balance store after the appt. & bought a pair of “rocker bottom tennis shoes” (recommended by Chicago orthopod) that promotes the stepping motion without the foot having to work as hard. My parents came over Monday night and agreed that the positioning clearly has changed, and I can now get the foot to lay flat (or pretty close). I e-mailed the Chicago orthopod and told her that there might be hope yet … she was equally thrilled and couldn’t believe that two days ago the foot looked severely deformed, coloring was awful and there was no getting the foot to lay flat.
I wore the new tennis shoes the entire day at work today. Wearing an athletic shoe is HUGE, because presumably this could lead to the ability to wear other shoes. There is definitely a glimmer of hope – things can change and what looks like the impossible is sometimes where God works best.
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you ….” – Isaiah 43:2
Clearly, we don’t have the situation entirely solved. There is still a lot of work that needs to happen with walking, stiffness, pain situation needs to be evaluated. Our hope and prayer is that the toe movement, improved positioning issue and ability to wear a shoe will continue improve a little each day forward; more than we could ever imagine, hope or dream. You can bet that I will be wiggling and wiggling the toes this week, to continue to promote movement.
I was supposed to be researching prosthetic feet and interviewing prosthetic fitters in St. Louis this week; needless to say we are putting a hold (hopefully more like termination) on this plan. On Friday, we heard from the surgeon that I had a substantial bone and nerve problem in the foot that could very well never be corrected. 48 hours later, following tears and great emotional distress, I am able to wear a shoe. There was a lot more that happened on Friday of a negative nature, but for now we are excited about wiggling toes and a rainbow of hope provided. Prayer works … don't stop now. My parents are ecstatic, bursting with joy and thankfulness to God!
Wiggling away ….
je
Laura – your Nordstrom and Bloomingdale’s shoe card was superb timing!
Linda - I loved your hilarious card about crossing the Red Sea and the special message!
This spoke to me on Sunday …. “Trust Him in the dark, honor Him with unwavering confidence, even in the midst of trials and storms. He will show you only into a way where, if you go cheerfully and trustfully forward, He will show you on still farther.”
After much prayer time late Sunday night, my four small toes actively moved (without moving them manually or doing anything with my hands). It was not a flicker of movement, but actual up and down toe movement. No movement has happened in any of the toes for over two years. The big toe (that is fused and never supposed to move) actually moved some, too. I also managed to get the foot into a size 10 tennis shoe that I had buried in the closet. I was scared that neither would last, so I did not call or tell anyone.
On Monday morning, the movement was still there & I could still get the foot in the shoe. The foot seemed to have changed position and laid flatter to the ground also. I wore the tennis shoe to work on that foot all day on Monday. I kept checking the toes for movement, nearly every hour, and I could still get the toes to wiggle. The toes are still stiff, but there is life in the toes.
At 4:00, I met with my St. Louis orthopedic doctor and my intention was to get his opinion on choosing a prosthetic foot. Last Saturday he agreed to see me & allowed me to be the last patient, because we both knew it was going to be a tough and emotional discussion.
I walked into his office at 4:00 in my shoe and some discomfort, but nothing severe. He fully agreed that the foot looked significantly different on Monday, than when I saw him last Tuesday (or even last Friday). He took pictures w/his digital camera and agreed that there could be hope for saving the foot. I went ahead and asked all my prosthetic questions, but deep down thinking that there is massive renewed hope that the foot still could “come around.” This doctor encouraged me to sit tight for two weeks and see if the improvements will remain or get even better.
I went to the New Balance store after the appt. & bought a pair of “rocker bottom tennis shoes” (recommended by Chicago orthopod) that promotes the stepping motion without the foot having to work as hard. My parents came over Monday night and agreed that the positioning clearly has changed, and I can now get the foot to lay flat (or pretty close). I e-mailed the Chicago orthopod and told her that there might be hope yet … she was equally thrilled and couldn’t believe that two days ago the foot looked severely deformed, coloring was awful and there was no getting the foot to lay flat.
I wore the new tennis shoes the entire day at work today. Wearing an athletic shoe is HUGE, because presumably this could lead to the ability to wear other shoes. There is definitely a glimmer of hope – things can change and what looks like the impossible is sometimes where God works best.
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you ….” – Isaiah 43:2
Clearly, we don’t have the situation entirely solved. There is still a lot of work that needs to happen with walking, stiffness, pain situation needs to be evaluated. Our hope and prayer is that the toe movement, improved positioning issue and ability to wear a shoe will continue improve a little each day forward; more than we could ever imagine, hope or dream. You can bet that I will be wiggling and wiggling the toes this week, to continue to promote movement.
I was supposed to be researching prosthetic feet and interviewing prosthetic fitters in St. Louis this week; needless to say we are putting a hold (hopefully more like termination) on this plan. On Friday, we heard from the surgeon that I had a substantial bone and nerve problem in the foot that could very well never be corrected. 48 hours later, following tears and great emotional distress, I am able to wear a shoe. There was a lot more that happened on Friday of a negative nature, but for now we are excited about wiggling toes and a rainbow of hope provided. Prayer works … don't stop now. My parents are ecstatic, bursting with joy and thankfulness to God!
Wiggling away ….
je
Laura – your Nordstrom and Bloomingdale’s shoe card was superb timing!
Linda - I loved your hilarious card about crossing the Red Sea and the special message!
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Peace needed ....
We are home from Chicago and thankfully I held up emotionally at the consultation appointment on Friday. As for this doctor providing additional information, this happened and we now need to do some more "homework" and research in the St. Louis medical community. There are always medical options as for treatment choices, but we are definitely at a place where none of the choices today are "good" choices. This is the first time in three years and none of our options are ones that you'd jump at signing up for immediately.
Mentally and emotionally I am not at a place, where I can discuss specifics yet. Friday and Saturday were extremely tough days from a mental/emotional standpoint - it was a long ride home with lots of Kleenex. I did speak with the female Chicago orthopod late on Friday evening. As always, I needed to talk with her, but there were things shared in this conversation that I was not prepared to hear. We both tried to be hopeful, but deep down both of us were likely falling apart on the inside.
I realize this blog entry is pretty general few details. Pray for emotional peace, clear wisdom, that fear will not overtake the situation, a longing to trust God completely, sleep, and patience in decision making. I am struggling significantly and need to make it through the work week somehow. Not sure how long I will last, but I'm going to attempt to go to church .... thank you for the many prayers on Friday!
je
Mentally and emotionally I am not at a place, where I can discuss specifics yet. Friday and Saturday were extremely tough days from a mental/emotional standpoint - it was a long ride home with lots of Kleenex. I did speak with the female Chicago orthopod late on Friday evening. As always, I needed to talk with her, but there were things shared in this conversation that I was not prepared to hear. We both tried to be hopeful, but deep down both of us were likely falling apart on the inside.
I realize this blog entry is pretty general few details. Pray for emotional peace, clear wisdom, that fear will not overtake the situation, a longing to trust God completely, sleep, and patience in decision making. I am struggling significantly and need to make it through the work week somehow. Not sure how long I will last, but I'm going to attempt to go to church .... thank you for the many prayers on Friday!
je
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Girls Night, Sweet Corn and Pocket Folders
On Monday evening, two of my friends came to my house for dinner and “Girls Night.” They brought Chinese food for dinner and we sat and talked, talked, and talked. We hadn’t seen each other since last November (my fault), and it was good to catch up together. Even though it was at my house, it was my first “social” deal in the past eight months. They are both fantastic moms and it was fun to have them at my house.
About 11:00 this morning, the Chicago orthopod called me on my cell phone to talk in preparation for my consultation appointment on Friday (referral from her). I was the Back-to-School aisle at Wal-Mart in the Valley counting out almost 2,000 pocket folders for work. Needless to say, the timing was not ideal and I wasn’t in the best spot to truly discuss what I wanted. I had notes with questions, but those were on my desk at the office. Today is her surgery day, so I had expected to hear from her Tuesday evening.
We discussed the logistics for Friday and she said that the new doctor would be candid and willing to answer all my questions. He has medical records that I sent via Fed Ex (last week), the last two notes from my current Chicago orthopod and they discussed my case at the foot conference two weeks ago. She reminded me that we are just seeking any additional insight or a reasonable explanation as to why the foot is the way it is and no decision as to future treatment has to be made on Friday. Why didn’t I think of this simple fact? We discussed pain, the rough week last week, and she continues to be calm, reassuring, intelligent, and very collected with her thoughts. Although there may not be many “options” left, no one is going to require a final treatment decision tomorrow – taking time is a wise choice.
The best thing in the conversation was the fact that she told me that she will absolutely continue to work with me and is in this for the “long haul.” She said, “We will get through it together and I will be your shepherd and guide. I have an investment in your foot.” This was big news and something that I really needed her to confirm & formally verbalize. Clearly there are substantial and challenging decisions that are ahead. Probably some of the largest decisions I will be required to make in my lifetime.
She confirmed that I know my foot situation and terms very well, can articulate concerns, and there was no need for nervousness about Friday.
We ended the conversation with her telling me a good place to shop on Friday near the doctor’s office. Although it is only shopping and I am not up for much “shopping,” clearly she is trying to make all of this more palatable and knows that this is an interest that I like!
I cannot meet with her on Friday, because she is not in the office. However, she is going to call me at 4:00 to talk about what we learned at the 2:00 consultation and we will then make a decision about if or when I need to meet with her in person. At the moment, we have an appointment on August 3rd, but it may make sense to move this to Monday – and try to avoid making a second trip in seven days.
The pain management doctor e-mailed back also this morning and he prescribed a different medication for nerve pain. I attempted to pick this up at the pharmacy tonight, but there is an issue with insurance coverage. The doctor & the insurance company have to talk first – it is never as simple as it should be.
I met with the St. Louis orthopod this afternoon also and we took x-rays today to take on a CD for Friday. He knows the surgeon that I will consult with, but not on a personal level. He is anxious to learn what he may offer as for suggestions or advice, too. He fully agreed that this has been a very long medical journey and understands my hesitation and concern as to the probable success of surgically “correcting” the foot deformity.
Emotionally I am doing somewhat better than last week – hanging in there. I am thankful for hearing back from the Chicago doctor today and the reassurance that she will be my shepherd … she is a huge blessing.
Pray specifically for the following –
- I will be able to cope, be open to advice, and remain emotionally strong at the consultation appointment on Friday (2:00pm). The drive home could be long.
- God will provide wisdom and clear direction; perhaps the strongest that we’ve ever needed or felt.
- Stamina … we need to take it “one day at a time”
- Scheduling … if we need to see the Chicago orthopod on Monday, details for this need to come together late afternoon on Friday.
- Thoughts – despite the pain, my desire is to not think about the foot situation continually during the day or night.
Thankful for small, positive things that are happening … many of which mean nothing in the grand scheme, but are part of everyday life.
- I was able to drive to get an x-ray today & walked into the office.
- Got my nails done on the way home from work.
- Had sweet corn during dinner from my grandparent’s farm in IL.
- My neighbor brought me a loaf of homemade zucchini bread.
- Photos of smiley, charming kids – Loved the pics, Laura!
- Pink roses in the middle of my kitchen table.
- Yummy fresh peaches
God continues to remain faithful in the midst of challenging days. I know I’ve said it before, but thank you again for praying for such a long period of time. Someday I will share with you the amazing ways that doors have opened, circumstances have not been coincidental and family and friends have been an unbelievable encouragement when I have felt like giving up. Doing my best ….
Love,
je
About 11:00 this morning, the Chicago orthopod called me on my cell phone to talk in preparation for my consultation appointment on Friday (referral from her). I was the Back-to-School aisle at Wal-Mart in the Valley counting out almost 2,000 pocket folders for work. Needless to say, the timing was not ideal and I wasn’t in the best spot to truly discuss what I wanted. I had notes with questions, but those were on my desk at the office. Today is her surgery day, so I had expected to hear from her Tuesday evening.
We discussed the logistics for Friday and she said that the new doctor would be candid and willing to answer all my questions. He has medical records that I sent via Fed Ex (last week), the last two notes from my current Chicago orthopod and they discussed my case at the foot conference two weeks ago. She reminded me that we are just seeking any additional insight or a reasonable explanation as to why the foot is the way it is and no decision as to future treatment has to be made on Friday. Why didn’t I think of this simple fact? We discussed pain, the rough week last week, and she continues to be calm, reassuring, intelligent, and very collected with her thoughts. Although there may not be many “options” left, no one is going to require a final treatment decision tomorrow – taking time is a wise choice.
The best thing in the conversation was the fact that she told me that she will absolutely continue to work with me and is in this for the “long haul.” She said, “We will get through it together and I will be your shepherd and guide. I have an investment in your foot.” This was big news and something that I really needed her to confirm & formally verbalize. Clearly there are substantial and challenging decisions that are ahead. Probably some of the largest decisions I will be required to make in my lifetime.
She confirmed that I know my foot situation and terms very well, can articulate concerns, and there was no need for nervousness about Friday.
We ended the conversation with her telling me a good place to shop on Friday near the doctor’s office. Although it is only shopping and I am not up for much “shopping,” clearly she is trying to make all of this more palatable and knows that this is an interest that I like!
I cannot meet with her on Friday, because she is not in the office. However, she is going to call me at 4:00 to talk about what we learned at the 2:00 consultation and we will then make a decision about if or when I need to meet with her in person. At the moment, we have an appointment on August 3rd, but it may make sense to move this to Monday – and try to avoid making a second trip in seven days.
The pain management doctor e-mailed back also this morning and he prescribed a different medication for nerve pain. I attempted to pick this up at the pharmacy tonight, but there is an issue with insurance coverage. The doctor & the insurance company have to talk first – it is never as simple as it should be.
I met with the St. Louis orthopod this afternoon also and we took x-rays today to take on a CD for Friday. He knows the surgeon that I will consult with, but not on a personal level. He is anxious to learn what he may offer as for suggestions or advice, too. He fully agreed that this has been a very long medical journey and understands my hesitation and concern as to the probable success of surgically “correcting” the foot deformity.
Emotionally I am doing somewhat better than last week – hanging in there. I am thankful for hearing back from the Chicago doctor today and the reassurance that she will be my shepherd … she is a huge blessing.
Pray specifically for the following –
- I will be able to cope, be open to advice, and remain emotionally strong at the consultation appointment on Friday (2:00pm). The drive home could be long.
- God will provide wisdom and clear direction; perhaps the strongest that we’ve ever needed or felt.
- Stamina … we need to take it “one day at a time”
- Scheduling … if we need to see the Chicago orthopod on Monday, details for this need to come together late afternoon on Friday.
- Thoughts – despite the pain, my desire is to not think about the foot situation continually during the day or night.
Thankful for small, positive things that are happening … many of which mean nothing in the grand scheme, but are part of everyday life.
- I was able to drive to get an x-ray today & walked into the office.
- Got my nails done on the way home from work.
- Had sweet corn during dinner from my grandparent’s farm in IL.
- My neighbor brought me a loaf of homemade zucchini bread.
- Photos of smiley, charming kids – Loved the pics, Laura!
- Pink roses in the middle of my kitchen table.
- Yummy fresh peaches
God continues to remain faithful in the midst of challenging days. I know I’ve said it before, but thank you again for praying for such a long period of time. Someday I will share with you the amazing ways that doors have opened, circumstances have not been coincidental and family and friends have been an unbelievable encouragement when I have felt like giving up. Doing my best ….
Love,
je
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Consultation appointment next week ....
The Chicago orthopedic surgeon e-mailed back on Wednesday evening and said that she had talked with another surgeon, friend at a foot conference (last weekend) about my case. She would like me to see this doctor for a consultation appointment. The new physician is also a foot/ankle orthopedic surgeon, but he does a lot of very challenging foot cases. He is older in age and presumably has tackled thousands of medical cases. My current doctor studied under him as part of medical school. We (current surgeon & myself) decided that physical therapy needs to be on “hold” until we see where we are headed. Although I desired to taper off of this, it was still hard to hear that we are “done.”
I made a few phone calls early this morning and was able to get a consultation appointment scheduled (2:00pm) for next Friday, July 27th in Oakbrook Terrace, Illinois (Chicago suburb). Someone was praying this morning, because this doctor only sees patients 1 ½ days per week and I was able to quickly get an appointment. I spoke to a generic “scheduling” person at a large hospital, so it wasn’t even his personal assistant. God is good, especially in times when everything else seems to be falling apart.
The past 3-4 days have been the largest emotional challenge ever. I cannot go into all the details now, but let’s just say that the magnitude of the present situation has been totally overwhelming. Today was the first day in three years that I was stayed home for several hours this morning, to “pull it together” mentally. I made it through the day, but not w/out tears. I’m thankful for a supportive boss and co-workers.
Big prayer request: I very much need to meet w/my current Chicago orthopedic surgeon after the consultation appointment with the new doctor. Preferably this would happen on the same day, but this would need to happen very late afternoon on Friday, July 27th (like 4:00-5:00). It would be nice to not have to stay in Chicago the entire weekend and wait to see her on the following Monday. Pray that something can be worked out. There are ways that this could happen, but it would be highly unusual for a doctor to see me during “off” hours.
There is absolutely no indication that my current Chicago orthopedic surgeon will tell me that she is “done” with my case, but at the difficultly level of the situation, it is always a possibility. It has happened before when I least expected it, so I am very fearful of it happening again. She is a big reason that I did not give up long ago. I have a significant desire to and emotional need to keep working with her. She is a huge blessing.
It has been a long day and week …. I’m not sleeping well, so I need to try to get to bed earlier tonight. Keep praying for strong faith and that I will truly take one step at a time. Pray that I will be able to relax about what is to come and will not worry about the situation continually for the next week.
Looking forward to a wedding shower in Illinois on Saturday with a future Eickhorst “bride-to-be” ……
In His grasp,
je
I made a few phone calls early this morning and was able to get a consultation appointment scheduled (2:00pm) for next Friday, July 27th in Oakbrook Terrace, Illinois (Chicago suburb). Someone was praying this morning, because this doctor only sees patients 1 ½ days per week and I was able to quickly get an appointment. I spoke to a generic “scheduling” person at a large hospital, so it wasn’t even his personal assistant. God is good, especially in times when everything else seems to be falling apart.
The past 3-4 days have been the largest emotional challenge ever. I cannot go into all the details now, but let’s just say that the magnitude of the present situation has been totally overwhelming. Today was the first day in three years that I was stayed home for several hours this morning, to “pull it together” mentally. I made it through the day, but not w/out tears. I’m thankful for a supportive boss and co-workers.
Big prayer request: I very much need to meet w/my current Chicago orthopedic surgeon after the consultation appointment with the new doctor. Preferably this would happen on the same day, but this would need to happen very late afternoon on Friday, July 27th (like 4:00-5:00). It would be nice to not have to stay in Chicago the entire weekend and wait to see her on the following Monday. Pray that something can be worked out. There are ways that this could happen, but it would be highly unusual for a doctor to see me during “off” hours.
There is absolutely no indication that my current Chicago orthopedic surgeon will tell me that she is “done” with my case, but at the difficultly level of the situation, it is always a possibility. It has happened before when I least expected it, so I am very fearful of it happening again. She is a big reason that I did not give up long ago. I have a significant desire to and emotional need to keep working with her. She is a huge blessing.
It has been a long day and week …. I’m not sleeping well, so I need to try to get to bed earlier tonight. Keep praying for strong faith and that I will truly take one step at a time. Pray that I will be able to relax about what is to come and will not worry about the situation continually for the next week.
Looking forward to a wedding shower in Illinois on Saturday with a future Eickhorst “bride-to-be” ……
In His grasp,
je
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Attitude is everything ....
I have not written much yet this week, because not a lot has happened. I am waiting to hear back from the pain management physician and the Chicago orthopod – e-mailed both on Sunday. The Chicago orthopod is just back from a conference, so she is likely swamped with patient issues. The pain doctor may be on vacation this week, but until we talk, I’m only able to talk the anti-inflammatory medication.
I did physical therapy on Monday and Wednesday of this week, which were the final two sessions left on my current pt script. I had candid discussions on Monday and today about realistic potential progress and the therapist readily admitted that from a functional aspect, we are not making the needed progress. The bottom line is that it is all about function. He basically said that based on where we are today, there will likely not be substantial progress. This has never been vocalized in a formal sense in three years. Both of us have known it for awhile, but we've both have been hoping we were wrong. While it is not great news, I appreciate his honesty and willingness to accept the fact that what we have today for function may be "it." I estimated that I am doing about 10-15% of what I would normally do on a daily basis. We also talked about my feelings as for moving forward, what this might mean and my fears at the moment. I’ve worked with the same therapist individual for the past 1 ½ years and he was more straightforward about it today than ever before.
Although the frustration of continuing with pt and not seeing progress is not what I want, it is tough to realize that we’ve given it our best attempt and for function ability, what we have today could be “it.” As I was driving home, I was feeling rather low and that after all we’ve been through the end result is obviously not the desired outcome. I arrived home and found the following message in my e-mail …. rather fitting for my struggle with the foot. Once again it reminded me that attitude is significant …. it is a foot deformity and God can either cause the situation to change or will provide grace to deal with it. You are always stronger than you think you are – no matter what happens.
Headed Homeward
by Max Lucado
Aging is God’s idea. It’s one of the ways he keeps us headed homeward. We can’t change the process, but we can change our attitude. Here is a thought. What if we looked at the aging body as we look at the growth of a tulip? Do you ever see anyone mourning over the passing of the tulip bulb? Do gardeners weep as the bulb begins to weaken? Of course not. We don’t purchase tulip girdles or petal wrinkle cream or consult plastic-leaf surgeons. We don’t mourn the passing of the bulb; we celebrate it. Tulip lovers rejoice the minute the bulb weakens. “Watch that one,” they say. “It’s about to blossom.”
Could it be heaven does the same? The angels point to our bodies. The more frail we become, the more excited they become. “We are waiting for God to finish making us his own children, which means our bodies will be made free” (Rom. 8:23).
You could add your own adjective, couldn’t you? Which word describes your body? My cancerous body? My arthritic body? My deformed body? My crippled body? My ever-expanding body? The word may be different, but the message is the same: These bodies are weak. They began decaying the minute we began breathing.
And, according to God, that’s a part of the plan. Every wrinkle and every needle take us one step closer to the last step when Jesus will change our simple bodies into forever bodies. No pain. No depression. No sickness. No end. This is not our forever house. It will serve for the time being. But there is nothing like the moment we enter his door.
I did physical therapy on Monday and Wednesday of this week, which were the final two sessions left on my current pt script. I had candid discussions on Monday and today about realistic potential progress and the therapist readily admitted that from a functional aspect, we are not making the needed progress. The bottom line is that it is all about function. He basically said that based on where we are today, there will likely not be substantial progress. This has never been vocalized in a formal sense in three years. Both of us have known it for awhile, but we've both have been hoping we were wrong. While it is not great news, I appreciate his honesty and willingness to accept the fact that what we have today for function may be "it." I estimated that I am doing about 10-15% of what I would normally do on a daily basis. We also talked about my feelings as for moving forward, what this might mean and my fears at the moment. I’ve worked with the same therapist individual for the past 1 ½ years and he was more straightforward about it today than ever before.
Although the frustration of continuing with pt and not seeing progress is not what I want, it is tough to realize that we’ve given it our best attempt and for function ability, what we have today could be “it.” As I was driving home, I was feeling rather low and that after all we’ve been through the end result is obviously not the desired outcome. I arrived home and found the following message in my e-mail …. rather fitting for my struggle with the foot. Once again it reminded me that attitude is significant …. it is a foot deformity and God can either cause the situation to change or will provide grace to deal with it. You are always stronger than you think you are – no matter what happens.
Headed Homeward
by Max Lucado
Aging is God’s idea. It’s one of the ways he keeps us headed homeward. We can’t change the process, but we can change our attitude. Here is a thought. What if we looked at the aging body as we look at the growth of a tulip? Do you ever see anyone mourning over the passing of the tulip bulb? Do gardeners weep as the bulb begins to weaken? Of course not. We don’t purchase tulip girdles or petal wrinkle cream or consult plastic-leaf surgeons. We don’t mourn the passing of the bulb; we celebrate it. Tulip lovers rejoice the minute the bulb weakens. “Watch that one,” they say. “It’s about to blossom.”
Could it be heaven does the same? The angels point to our bodies. The more frail we become, the more excited they become. “We are waiting for God to finish making us his own children, which means our bodies will be made free” (Rom. 8:23).
You could add your own adjective, couldn’t you? Which word describes your body? My cancerous body? My arthritic body? My deformed body? My crippled body? My ever-expanding body? The word may be different, but the message is the same: These bodies are weak. They began decaying the minute we began breathing.
And, according to God, that’s a part of the plan. Every wrinkle and every needle take us one step closer to the last step when Jesus will change our simple bodies into forever bodies. No pain. No depression. No sickness. No end. This is not our forever house. It will serve for the time being. But there is nothing like the moment we enter his door.
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Feeling Fuzzy
I started on the medications prescribed by the surgeon in Chicago that specializes in pain management. It is not a good combination, so far. The pain medicine and the drug related for nerves both make me very sleepy, mentally "fuzzy" and in a fog. I have slept the better part of the day today. It is not normal for me to be very quiet and not want to talk. Clearly I am not myself and there is a trade off for relief from pain or feeling constantly medicated. I opted to deal with the pain several days this week, instead of feeling loopy. Obviously, I'll have to see what can be adjusted next week. Part of me doesn't have the energy to try to coordinate something different . . . it is much more of a challenge with the distance issue. You can never just call and talk to the doctor at his office. He told me at our appointment that it is just a matter of trying different drug combinations.
There are three physical therapy visits on my current script from the orthopod. I am spending a lot of money and time on this and am not seeing any substantial results. I am at pt 2-2 1/2 hours each visit. We have done 12 visits and from a functional and pain standpoint, it is no different from when I started. I'm sure the Chicago doctor will want me to continue, but my motivation and stamina for this are waning. I'm sure we'll talk via e-mail this week, because pt can't continue without her writing a new script.
I boxed up shoes today that I either have not worn in three years or will likely never wear again. They were a constant reminder in the closet of what feels like the impossible.
Hoping that next week will be better ....
je
There are three physical therapy visits on my current script from the orthopod. I am spending a lot of money and time on this and am not seeing any substantial results. I am at pt 2-2 1/2 hours each visit. We have done 12 visits and from a functional and pain standpoint, it is no different from when I started. I'm sure the Chicago doctor will want me to continue, but my motivation and stamina for this are waning. I'm sure we'll talk via e-mail this week, because pt can't continue without her writing a new script.
I boxed up shoes today that I either have not worn in three years or will likely never wear again. They were a constant reminder in the closet of what feels like the impossible.
Hoping that next week will be better ....
je
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Prescription coordination day ....
I’ve been e-mailing the pain doctor (Chicago) all day today and we’ve spent a lot of time going back and forth with ideas. Thankfully, he has been quick in responding and suggestions. The bottom line is that we changed the pain medicine prescription and the anti-inflammatory medicine from what we discussed last Friday. We are going to start these tomorrow along with another medicine related to nerves, so we’ll see if this helps. The pain medication has serious “street value,” so I had to jump through mega hoops today to coordinate getting that filled in St. Louis, given that the prescribing doctor is in Chicago. Fax, mail, e-mail and phone don’t work when you are talking about drugs with resale value …. like I’m going to set up a stand with a pink and white awning in my driveway, but I understand the caution. My St. Louis orthopod ended up helping us and facilitating the process.
I scheduled a follow-up appointment with the Chicago orthopedic surgeon for Friday, August 3rd, but this may be too soon. If I need to see the surgeon with Lyola University, then this needs to happen at the same time. I did send a long thank-you letter today to the plastic surgeon in Chicago, thanking him for his professional advice and ongoing help.
Keep praying that the Chicago orthopedic surgeon will connect with the Lyola doctor (at some foot conference) at the end of this week and hopefully she will call at the beginning of next week with his advice. I know it is not a long time to wait, but the waiting seems like forever. I wake up each morning and look at the foot to see if by chance it decided over night to relax and revert to the normal position …..
Signing off to head to dinner at mom & dad’s house ….
je
I scheduled a follow-up appointment with the Chicago orthopedic surgeon for Friday, August 3rd, but this may be too soon. If I need to see the surgeon with Lyola University, then this needs to happen at the same time. I did send a long thank-you letter today to the plastic surgeon in Chicago, thanking him for his professional advice and ongoing help.
Keep praying that the Chicago orthopedic surgeon will connect with the Lyola doctor (at some foot conference) at the end of this week and hopefully she will call at the beginning of next week with his advice. I know it is not a long time to wait, but the waiting seems like forever. I wake up each morning and look at the foot to see if by chance it decided over night to relax and revert to the normal position …..
Signing off to head to dinner at mom & dad’s house ….
je
Monday, July 9, 2007
Matching shoes and prayers ....
I spent the better part of Sunday getting things organized at my house and trying to get situated after having not lived at my house since early February. It is good to be back at my house, but along with it comes standing and walking. I had a rough day emotionally and was frustrated by what felt like lack of progress in Chicago. I spent considerable time researching the three prescribed medications, and probably learned more than I should.
By Sunday evening, I was feeling pretty low, in lots of pain, and was upset that there doesn’t seem to be any “good” future option as for choices. I had sent an e-mail to the Chicago orthopod expressing several concerns, and to my delight she wrote back right before I went to bed Sunday night. She didn’t write back a lot, but it was enough for me to end the day on a “better note.” There is a foot/ankle conference in Toronto at the end of this week, so she is going to speak to one of the doctors in attendance about my case. She said that she’d contact me after the conference as to how we should proceed. In the meantime, she encouraged me to take it day-by-day and just do my best. . I often feel the need to solve “everything” by tomorrow, which is not always a good thing.
She (Chicago orthopod) had the greatest “alligator leather” loafer shoes on at the Friday appointment …. I notice shoes on everyone now. I have worn an Adidas flip flop for three years on one foot and am tired of it. There are worse things, but I am ready to have the ability to wear two matching shoes. I have always loved shoes, even though there are lots that I can’t wear because of the artificial hip situation.
Blessings from today ….. this morning I arrived at work and received a job promotion (title & salary), which was a positive start to the week. Our new fiscal year started July 1 but it still came as a pleasant surprise.
I had also sent an e-mail over the weekend to the plastic surgeon (that did the skin grafting) in Chicago and updated him on my situation. I told him that we decided not to go to Baltimore at this time, since he was the one that had told me about the Baltimore doctor. He e-mailed back this morning saying that this was perfectly fine and that he’d be praying for me. In three years of seeing surgeons, no physician has ever offered to pray. I was stunned, because faith and the medical profession rarely are found together. We had a brief conversation about faith and where I went to college, within five minutes at my first appointment with him.) I think I am his first “out-of-town” patient but I am so thankful that he was willing to help me and do the skin grafting, when others in St. Louis wouldn’t even see the wound at an appointment. He has been a delight to work with …. I have the utmost confidence in his medical opinions and he has a heartfelt desire to see things get better for me. I had two names of plastic surgeons in Chicago and I picked this doctor without even calling the other person – it is not a coincidence. Although my immediate needs for a “plastic guy” are over, my gut feeling is that we are not finished working together.
As for the medication suggestions, I have not done anything with it yet. I am not normally in the “questioning mode,” but find myself very cautious about medical decisions all of a sudden. I will likely follow the plan, except for the pain medicine suggestion. I may e-mail the pain doctor some additional questions tomorrow & will do something w/it by middle of the week.
I am now on my fifth Kleenex since starting to write this, so I’d better close …. thankful for my strong relationship with the Chicago orthopod and plastic surgeon, big and little blessings of today, family, friends, and your continued prayers …. Go put on your favorite pair of shoes for me ….
je
By Sunday evening, I was feeling pretty low, in lots of pain, and was upset that there doesn’t seem to be any “good” future option as for choices. I had sent an e-mail to the Chicago orthopod expressing several concerns, and to my delight she wrote back right before I went to bed Sunday night. She didn’t write back a lot, but it was enough for me to end the day on a “better note.” There is a foot/ankle conference in Toronto at the end of this week, so she is going to speak to one of the doctors in attendance about my case. She said that she’d contact me after the conference as to how we should proceed. In the meantime, she encouraged me to take it day-by-day and just do my best. . I often feel the need to solve “everything” by tomorrow, which is not always a good thing.
She (Chicago orthopod) had the greatest “alligator leather” loafer shoes on at the Friday appointment …. I notice shoes on everyone now. I have worn an Adidas flip flop for three years on one foot and am tired of it. There are worse things, but I am ready to have the ability to wear two matching shoes. I have always loved shoes, even though there are lots that I can’t wear because of the artificial hip situation.
Blessings from today ….. this morning I arrived at work and received a job promotion (title & salary), which was a positive start to the week. Our new fiscal year started July 1 but it still came as a pleasant surprise.
I had also sent an e-mail over the weekend to the plastic surgeon (that did the skin grafting) in Chicago and updated him on my situation. I told him that we decided not to go to Baltimore at this time, since he was the one that had told me about the Baltimore doctor. He e-mailed back this morning saying that this was perfectly fine and that he’d be praying for me. In three years of seeing surgeons, no physician has ever offered to pray. I was stunned, because faith and the medical profession rarely are found together. We had a brief conversation about faith and where I went to college, within five minutes at my first appointment with him.) I think I am his first “out-of-town” patient but I am so thankful that he was willing to help me and do the skin grafting, when others in St. Louis wouldn’t even see the wound at an appointment. He has been a delight to work with …. I have the utmost confidence in his medical opinions and he has a heartfelt desire to see things get better for me. I had two names of plastic surgeons in Chicago and I picked this doctor without even calling the other person – it is not a coincidence. Although my immediate needs for a “plastic guy” are over, my gut feeling is that we are not finished working together.
As for the medication suggestions, I have not done anything with it yet. I am not normally in the “questioning mode,” but find myself very cautious about medical decisions all of a sudden. I will likely follow the plan, except for the pain medicine suggestion. I may e-mail the pain doctor some additional questions tomorrow & will do something w/it by middle of the week.
I am now on my fifth Kleenex since starting to write this, so I’d better close …. thankful for my strong relationship with the Chicago orthopod and plastic surgeon, big and little blessings of today, family, friends, and your continued prayers …. Go put on your favorite pair of shoes for me ….
je
Saturday, July 7, 2007
We made it to and from Chicago safely. We met with the doctor related to pain first on Friday morning. He feels that the pain is likely caused from several sources – nerve, bone and general trauma from past surgeries. It is standard for medication to be prescribed first and this was his suggestion. He recommended an anti-inflammatory medication (steroid), nerve medication and another pain medicine. He said that there is no guarantee that if we would remove several sensory nerves, that this would solve the pain issue.
I am absolutely not comfortable taking the pain medication that he suggested. To say that it is super strong is a total understatement. It is very potent and the likelihood of me being able to function at work is pretty low. The side effects that are fairly standard would be worse than the current foot pain. I am notorious for having most of the side effects happen to me. I am still evaluating the steroid suggestion. He thought there was a lot of swelling still in the foot but honestly, I thought it looked fairly good and he saw it on a “good” day. I came home not much further ahead on having a short-term “pain” solution.
We also met with the orthopedic surgeon. She continues to be gracious, and is trying to remain positive in the midst of circumstances that are not unfolding as we had hoped. She agreed and recognized that we have two problems: 1. Functional/Walking aspect and 2. Pain issue …. if we correct one without the other, we are no further ahead. She thought the forefoot area and toes looked worse now than in May …. I fully agree. Although I hate the fact that a substantial functional issue continues to linger, it was good to hear her recognize that there is still a problem.
She (ortho doctor) said that the situation continues to defy all medical theories, plans, and the foot continues to react in a manner opposite of the planned or normal outcome. She compared it to the foot being similar to a defiant child – my foot does the opposite of what is hoped. She continues to be committed to not let this medical journey go on forever. The deformed foot positioning probably is not going to improve by itself, so we are both going to talk and evaluate week-to-week over the next several weeks.
We are going to continue to communicate via e-mail and phone. She is going to consult with another surgeon at Loyola University next weekend at a foot conference in Toronto. We will likely do another follow-up appt. at the beginning of August.
Thanks for your prayers ... especially on Friday.
je
I am absolutely not comfortable taking the pain medication that he suggested. To say that it is super strong is a total understatement. It is very potent and the likelihood of me being able to function at work is pretty low. The side effects that are fairly standard would be worse than the current foot pain. I am notorious for having most of the side effects happen to me. I am still evaluating the steroid suggestion. He thought there was a lot of swelling still in the foot but honestly, I thought it looked fairly good and he saw it on a “good” day. I came home not much further ahead on having a short-term “pain” solution.
We also met with the orthopedic surgeon. She continues to be gracious, and is trying to remain positive in the midst of circumstances that are not unfolding as we had hoped. She agreed and recognized that we have two problems: 1. Functional/Walking aspect and 2. Pain issue …. if we correct one without the other, we are no further ahead. She thought the forefoot area and toes looked worse now than in May …. I fully agree. Although I hate the fact that a substantial functional issue continues to linger, it was good to hear her recognize that there is still a problem.
She (ortho doctor) said that the situation continues to defy all medical theories, plans, and the foot continues to react in a manner opposite of the planned or normal outcome. She compared it to the foot being similar to a defiant child – my foot does the opposite of what is hoped. She continues to be committed to not let this medical journey go on forever. The deformed foot positioning probably is not going to improve by itself, so we are both going to talk and evaluate week-to-week over the next several weeks.
We are going to continue to communicate via e-mail and phone. She is going to consult with another surgeon at Loyola University next weekend at a foot conference in Toronto. We will likely do another follow-up appt. at the beginning of August.
Thanks for your prayers ... especially on Friday.
je
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
Skin graft photo ....
Latest foot photo .... you can see the skin grafting area on the side of the foot. You can't tell anything as to the positioning of the foot, but you can tell by this photo that the skin graft area is now fully healed ... yeah! The new skin will always be dry, because the grafted skin does not have the ability to "sweat." Sorry you can't see the four small toes - this is because they are droopy again ... the straightening position did not remain after we took the pins out at the end of May.
Getting ready to head to Illinois tomorrow and then Chicago early Friday morning. I will update the blog when we return home on Saturday.
je
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
Decision Made
My Chicago orthopedic surgeon called me at home on Tuesday evening. We were able to talk on the phone for thirty minutes and I shared with her what the new information I had learned in the past two weeks (varying opinions). She continues to be genuinely concerned, was gracious in listening to all my details and totally agreed that rushing to Baltimore is probably not the best decision. She shared several "red flags" as she saw it and they were the same things that I had been thinking. I continue to be extremely blessed to have a strong relationship with her, and love the fact that she is concerned about the emotional/social aspect and the stress this is causing on my hip. I slept better on Tuesday night after talking with her from 9:45pm-10:15pm! I always feel much better emotionally after talking with her.
The Chicago ortho gal also wants to see me this Friday, after I see the pain doctor. She is concerned that the toes have reverted to the old position and wants to check the incision under the second toe (from April surgery) that has not healed. I am elated that she cares enough to "work me in" and meet with us on Friday - this makes total sense since we are already there in the same building as the pain doctor. Every Friday is normally the day of the week that she is in surgery all day, so it is very unuseal that she can see me on a Friday - much less during a holiday week.
We stopped all the Baltimore arrangements today. There were several additional things that happened via the phone that made us KNOW we made the right decision for now. I also received a phone message from their office saying that this surgeon is going to be in St. Louis at the end of August. I'm not sure why we just found this out today, but this was the first time that his office told us this. He could see me and do surgery at that time, if it is warranted. Obviously, we will decide this later. Enough "drama" for today.
Good news .... there is no fee for canceling our two plane tickets today with Southwest airlines. Whew! We did not lose any money.
There is no doubt that we made the right decision. God is good and has provided wisdom, guidance, and patience in the past several weeks. We continue to be thankful for friends that have provided strong counsel, checked with other doctors on our behalf, and for events that have transpired that have led us to believe that things were moving too fast. We know in our hearts that if we are to see the Baltimore doctor in St. Louis in August, there is time to work through those details.
We will leave for Chicago on Thursday evening of this week and will return Saturday morning. Our appointment is at 10am with the pain doctor and around 11:00 with the orthopedic surgeon. Keep praying for managed expectations, clear answers and that the pain doctor will not be all about pills.
Breathing a sigh of relief .... Happy 4th!
je
The Chicago ortho gal also wants to see me this Friday, after I see the pain doctor. She is concerned that the toes have reverted to the old position and wants to check the incision under the second toe (from April surgery) that has not healed. I am elated that she cares enough to "work me in" and meet with us on Friday - this makes total sense since we are already there in the same building as the pain doctor. Every Friday is normally the day of the week that she is in surgery all day, so it is very unuseal that she can see me on a Friday - much less during a holiday week.
We stopped all the Baltimore arrangements today. There were several additional things that happened via the phone that made us KNOW we made the right decision for now. I also received a phone message from their office saying that this surgeon is going to be in St. Louis at the end of August. I'm not sure why we just found this out today, but this was the first time that his office told us this. He could see me and do surgery at that time, if it is warranted. Obviously, we will decide this later. Enough "drama" for today.
Good news .... there is no fee for canceling our two plane tickets today with Southwest airlines. Whew! We did not lose any money.
There is no doubt that we made the right decision. God is good and has provided wisdom, guidance, and patience in the past several weeks. We continue to be thankful for friends that have provided strong counsel, checked with other doctors on our behalf, and for events that have transpired that have led us to believe that things were moving too fast. We know in our hearts that if we are to see the Baltimore doctor in St. Louis in August, there is time to work through those details.
We will leave for Chicago on Thursday evening of this week and will return Saturday morning. Our appointment is at 10am with the pain doctor and around 11:00 with the orthopedic surgeon. Keep praying for managed expectations, clear answers and that the pain doctor will not be all about pills.
Breathing a sigh of relief .... Happy 4th!
je
Stepping back to evaluate ....
I apologize that it has been almost a week, since I have updated the blog. I kept waiting for doctors to call me back and then thought there would be more to share with you. I did speak with my plastic surgeon (in Chicago) last week and he thought I should go to Baltimore for a consultation appointment, but not proceed with the nerve surgery at this time. Obviously, it is a lot of expense for a consultation appointment. I am a bit leery of any surgeon that makes a medical diagnosis involving surgery via one e-mail. My e-mail to him was well written, but it is still a big step to recommended surgery from one e-mail – having never seen the foot before. His assistant did tell me that if I come to Baltimore and he believes that surgery is not warranted, he will not move forward. I could see him at another time (i.e. – checking on August) and just not go next week …. this may be pushing it a bit.
I called to Baltimore today to tell them that I would make a final decision regarding all of this on Tuesday of this week. His assistant did not know today if he would be in St. Louis at the end of August or not. He is coming here, but may/may not see patients at that time.
My prayer all last week was that if I was not supposed to go to Baltimore, that something would occur or change (i.e. door would close) to make it not possible or obvious that we were taking the wrong step. Within a 24 hour period, I heard from three independent sources advice to step back …. wait … and not proceed with our original plans just yet. We can cancel our plan reservations and apply the money ($200 loss) to two new flights at a future time. If it is meant for us to go to Baltimore in the future, there will be another appointment available at the right time. I am not the One responsible for the appointment schedule!
One of the neurologists that I’ve seen in the past, would like to see me again on July 18th to see if there are any “new developments” neurologically. He wanted me to see the person at Wash U that I already saw. He asked me to have her report faxed to him, so this is happening soon.
My orthopedic surgeon (in Chicago) really wants me to keep my appointment with the pain management doctor for this Friday, July 6th. We have not been able to connect on the phone, but are supposed to talk by Tuesday evening. Although she has not heard yet what the Baltimore doctor recommended, she feels that it is premature to travel there at this time.
We have completed five physical therapy sessions. No real changes yet – pain and function (or lack of) continue to be the same. I tried on lots of shoes over the weekend, but no luck. My physical therapist feels that I cannot wear a shoe due to the continued positioning deformity and not because of the swelling that remains. It is like trying to put a “square peg into a round hole.”
There continues to be lots of mixed feelings. We’ve gone from complete joy to questioning ourselves and our decision making ability. There are definitely still tough days with pain and walking, when anything that provides a glimmer of hope looks like the “right thing” to do next. Regardless of financial cost, we do not want to make the wrong treatment decision. As hard as it is to postpone the possibility of finding a solution to it all, there is nothing wrong with stepping back and continue to research options.
Keep praying for direction, wisdom, and patience …. will write more in the next day, when we finalize a decision.
je
I called to Baltimore today to tell them that I would make a final decision regarding all of this on Tuesday of this week. His assistant did not know today if he would be in St. Louis at the end of August or not. He is coming here, but may/may not see patients at that time.
My prayer all last week was that if I was not supposed to go to Baltimore, that something would occur or change (i.e. door would close) to make it not possible or obvious that we were taking the wrong step. Within a 24 hour period, I heard from three independent sources advice to step back …. wait … and not proceed with our original plans just yet. We can cancel our plan reservations and apply the money ($200 loss) to two new flights at a future time. If it is meant for us to go to Baltimore in the future, there will be another appointment available at the right time. I am not the One responsible for the appointment schedule!
One of the neurologists that I’ve seen in the past, would like to see me again on July 18th to see if there are any “new developments” neurologically. He wanted me to see the person at Wash U that I already saw. He asked me to have her report faxed to him, so this is happening soon.
My orthopedic surgeon (in Chicago) really wants me to keep my appointment with the pain management doctor for this Friday, July 6th. We have not been able to connect on the phone, but are supposed to talk by Tuesday evening. Although she has not heard yet what the Baltimore doctor recommended, she feels that it is premature to travel there at this time.
We have completed five physical therapy sessions. No real changes yet – pain and function (or lack of) continue to be the same. I tried on lots of shoes over the weekend, but no luck. My physical therapist feels that I cannot wear a shoe due to the continued positioning deformity and not because of the swelling that remains. It is like trying to put a “square peg into a round hole.”
There continues to be lots of mixed feelings. We’ve gone from complete joy to questioning ourselves and our decision making ability. There are definitely still tough days with pain and walking, when anything that provides a glimmer of hope looks like the “right thing” to do next. Regardless of financial cost, we do not want to make the wrong treatment decision. As hard as it is to postpone the possibility of finding a solution to it all, there is nothing wrong with stepping back and continue to research options.
Keep praying for direction, wisdom, and patience …. will write more in the next day, when we finalize a decision.
je
Monday, July 2, 2007
Stepping back to evaluate ...
I apologize that it has been almost a week, since I have updated the blog. I kept waiting for doctors to call me back and then thought there would be more to share with you. I did speak with my plastic surgeon (in Chicago) last week and he thought I should go to Baltimore for a consultation appointment, but not proceed with the nerve surgery at this time. Obviously, it is a lot of expense for a consultation appointment. I am a bit leery of any surgeon that makes a medical diagnosis involving surgery via one e-mail. My e-mail to him was well written, but it is still a big step to recommended surgery from one e-mail – having never seen the foot before. His assistant did tell me that if I come to Baltimore and he believes that surgery is not warranted, he will not move forward. I could see him at another time (i.e. – checking on August) and just not go next week …. this may be pushing it a bit.
I called to Baltimore today to tell them that I would make a final decision regarding all of this on Tuesday of this week. His assistant did not know today if he would be in St. Louis at the end of August or not. He is coming here, but may/may not see patients at that time.
My prayer all last week was that if I was not supposed to go to Baltimore, that something would occur or change (i.e. door would close) to make it not possible or obvious that we were taking the wrong step. Within a 24 hour period, I heard from three independent sources advice to step back …. wait … and not proceed with our original plans just yet. We can cancel our plan reservations and apply the money ($200 loss) to two new flights at a future time. If it is meant for us to go to Baltimore in the future, there will be another appointment available at the right time. I am not the One responsible for the appointment schedule!
One of the neurologists that I’ve seen in the past, would like to see me again on July 18th to see if there are any “new developments” neurologically. He wanted me to see the person at Wash U that I already saw. He asked me to have her report faxed to him, so this is happening soon.
My orthopedic surgeon (in Chicago) really wants me to keep my appointment with the pain management doctor for this Friday, July 6th. We have not been able to connect on the phone, but are supposed to talk by Tuesday evening. Although she has not heard yet what the Baltimore doctor recommended, she feels that it is premature to travel there at this time.
We have completed five physical therapy sessions. No real changes yet – pain and function (or lack of) continue to be the same. I tried on lots of shoes over the weekend, but no luck. My physical therapist feels that I cannot wear a shoe due to the continued positioning deformity and not because of the swelling that remains. It is like trying to put a “square peg into a round hole.”
There continues to be lots of mixed feelings. We’ve gone from complete joy to questioning ourselves and our decision making ability. There are definitely still tough days with pain and walking, when anything that provides a glimmer of hope looks like the “right thing” to do next. Regardless of financial cost, we do not want to make the wrong treatment decision. As hard as it is to postpone the possibility of finding a solution to it all, there is nothing wrong with stepping back and continue to research options.
Keep praying for direction, wisdom, and patience …. will write more in the next day, when we finalize a decision.
je
I called to Baltimore today to tell them that I would make a final decision regarding all of this on Tuesday of this week. His assistant did not know today if he would be in St. Louis at the end of August or not. He is coming here, but may/may not see patients at that time.
My prayer all last week was that if I was not supposed to go to Baltimore, that something would occur or change (i.e. door would close) to make it not possible or obvious that we were taking the wrong step. Within a 24 hour period, I heard from three independent sources advice to step back …. wait … and not proceed with our original plans just yet. We can cancel our plan reservations and apply the money ($200 loss) to two new flights at a future time. If it is meant for us to go to Baltimore in the future, there will be another appointment available at the right time. I am not the One responsible for the appointment schedule!
One of the neurologists that I’ve seen in the past, would like to see me again on July 18th to see if there are any “new developments” neurologically. He wanted me to see the person at Wash U that I already saw. He asked me to have her report faxed to him, so this is happening soon.
My orthopedic surgeon (in Chicago) really wants me to keep my appointment with the pain management doctor for this Friday, July 6th. We have not been able to connect on the phone, but are supposed to talk by Tuesday evening. Although she has not heard yet what the Baltimore doctor recommended, she feels that it is premature to travel there at this time.
We have completed five physical therapy sessions. No real changes yet – pain and function (or lack of) continue to be the same. I tried on lots of shoes over the weekend, but no luck. My physical therapist feels that I cannot wear a shoe due to the continued positioning deformity and not because of the swelling that remains. It is like trying to put a “square peg into a round hole.”
There continues to be lots of mixed feelings. We’ve gone from complete joy to questioning ourselves and our decision making ability. There are definitely still tough days with pain and walking, when anything that provides a glimmer of hope looks like the “right thing” to do next. Regardless of financial cost, we do not want to make the wrong treatment decision. As hard as it is to postpone the possibility of finding a solution to it all, there is nothing wrong with stepping back and continue to research options.
Keep praying for direction, wisdom, and patience …. will write more in the next day, when we finalize a decision.
je
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